Being Angry is Your Own Fault


Being Angry or Happy is MY Choice!

Have you ever gotten upset and found yourself saying, “It’s not my fault, she or he made me feel this way”? This is just one of the many excuses that we tell ourselves when the truth is “no one” can make you feel or do anything.

“The way you respond to any event is totally up to you.”

The sooner you can understand and believe the previous statement the sooner you’ll be in control of your own life.

Any event that may happen to you is neither positive or negative, happy or sad. All events are Neutral. The response that you have upon experiencing this neutral event is what creates how it affects you.

“All events are Neutral.”

Over 90% of all decisions that we make are determined by our subconscious processing them according to past experiences. Once an association is made so we have a point of reference to understand the event, then a decision is made. Unfortunately most of the impactful events from your past are also associated with emotion. Emotion is a very strong bridge that helps determine your present day decision-making.

So the way it works is like this: Stimuli – Pause – Response. Any time you are confronted by some form of stimuli, you pause for a moment as you’re on-board computer (subconscious mind) tries to make sense of the stimuli and as a result of the information processed you then make your decision.

An example would be receiving a letter from the IRS which in itself is a neutral event. It’s just something that you received. As you pause to reflect on it however you may associate this letter with the fear of having an audit or possibly having computed you taxes wrong and owing them more money than you expected. As a result of these thoughts your response would be anxiety to open the letter as quick as possible associated with fear and worry.

Another example would be receiving a phone call in the middle of the night from one of your parents. Your initial response may be one of worrying that something is wrong or one of them was hurt or possibly some other type of emergency. What began as a neutral event (the phone call) once processed created a response of fear.

In both examples the response of fear was most likely unfounded. The letter from the IRS may have simply been a balance of how much you’ve paid for taxes within the last few years. The phone call from your parents may have just been your mother calling because of insomnia and wanted someone to speak to.

Although this is a naturally occurring process with human beings the amount of stress from a given situation can be reduced greatly through awareness. Realizing that each event is neutral when it occurs gives you a chance to further ponder your response and thinking of other possible responses that may be more positive. This can be the difference between experiencing fear and anger or simply realizing that “it is as it is”. What a way to eliminate fear!

The reason why I mentioned that this is a naturally occurring process with human beings is that animals do not process things in the same way. Rather than experiencing an event with the Stimuli – Pause – Response method they simply process events with Stimuli – Response.

Upon given a stimuli they respond immediately. It’s more instinctual rather than processing thought as a response with emotion. An example of this would be if you accidentally stepped on your cat’s tail and in response it turned and scratched your arm to the point of bleeding. The scratching was an immediate response. It was not done in malice, revenge or any other form of calculated emotion. In fact within 5 minutes it may have come back to you showing affection wanting you to pet it again. It didn’t hold a grudge or anger as a result of the event.

We are 100% in control of our actions and reactions. Because of the victim mentality that the majority of people experience way too often we tend to blame others for our fortune or misfortune. It’s my hope that from this point forward we learn that everything is neutral so we may create happier situations for ourselves and those around us.

Those are the facts, take a moment to Pause and ponder them and see how you Respond. The choice is yours.

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